Yes...I Suck

It's been a LONG time since I updated this blog. I'm a slacker, but I really do have good reasons!

The last few weeks have made me realize that I have so much to be grateful for, that I should be able to write a list of things every day! I promise to do better and get back to daily updates.

The last week has brought a TON of fear back into my life. Not only over this pregnancy, but also over some history that has come back and reared its ugly head. Because of all of this, some simple things that I wouldn't normally think of have come to the front of my mind.

I am not only grateful that I have a home to live in that I don't have to worry about, but this home is SAFE for me and my children. Not only is it safe in a sense that it keeps the rain and wind out, but it also keeps those people that are a threat to us out as well. I can come into my home and feel totally safe and secure here.

A story on the earthquake in Haiti ripped my heart out the other day. A woman, about my age, had to listen to her 20 month old cry, as he was buried under rubble for almost 5 days. She could do nothing to help him, and just had to listen to him cry. I am grateful that I live in Arizona, where not only is my house structurally sound, but we don't have any major weather issues! We don't have earthquakes, or hurricanes, or tornadoes! Yea, it's hotter than hell in the summer, but I'd gladly sweat for a few months instead of listening to my child cry while trapped and I can't help him!

I am grateful for an absolutely amazing bishopric and stake president! Bishop Urry and President Clegg and pulled me through some seriously tough stuff in the last few years. I am grateful that the Lord saw it fit to make these men my priesthood leaders, and that they were worthy to accept the callings (and challenges)! I am not looking forward to the day Bishop Urry gets released. He's not only an amazing bishop but a good friend as well.

I'm grateful the Lord blessed me with the gift of music. I have such a connection to all types of music, and it's through me performing, that I can share my testimony best. I'm also grateful that I can share that talent with others. Every year I play for a retirement community in the East Valley, and the love those people show me, and the appreciation they show me for sharing my talent, always makes me feel warm and fuzzy! On the worst days of my life, I can bust out my flute and just sit down and play hymns and instantly feel better. For me, it's the best outlet for all of my mixed up emotions!

And, the last thing I'm grateful for today, is my Savior. I grew up in the Church, but didn't really gain my own firm testimony until after I married Molt. When the abuse started, the only place I could go was to my Savior. I hid so much of that abuse from everybody, even my parents, but I could always take my heavy heart to my Savior and He would comfort me. In the years since my divorce, He has pulled me through some pretty tough times, and taught me a lot about myself. I am grateful that He is ever mindful of me, my trials, what my children might need, and He always provides for us.

The Truth

The last few hours of my life have reminded me of the people in my life that are always honest with me, those that are never honest with me, and the ones that pick and choose when to be honest. I am SO grateful for those people in my life, that no matter what, are totally and unconditionally HONEST with me. There is no worse feeling in this world, than to find out somebody you trust or respect is being dishonest about something. I will never understand how anybody can look at somebody they claim to love, say one thing, and then immediately turn around and do something totally opposite....I guess this is just a crazy mixed up world we live in.

Thank you to all of those people in my life that are 100% honest with me, even if it might hurt me in the process! The truth is ALWAYS the way to go. Sure, some hurt and sadness might come in the beginning, but I've never been ungrateful to know the truth in the end!

Just Deal...

Okay, I've decided I'll probably just be two days late for the entire year...so you'll get a double post all the time....

Today my gratitude is pouring out over my truck...automobiles in general! I have always maintained the opinion, that if I had been born in the days of my ancestors, I would still be living in upstate New York, and being a really good Lutheran. I don't think anybody would've convinced me to walk to Salt Lake. I've driven across this country, from New York to Arizona, and there's no way I would EVER walk it....The primary song "Pioneer Children" has new words in my family....Instead of pioneer children singing as they walked, and walked, and walked and walked...It is Keri Dawn complained as she walked and walked and walked......So thank you to the automobile industry for making such awesome things like my pretty blue truck!

I'm also grateful for disposable diapers! Yes, I might be killing the environment, but frankly, changing a poopy diaper is a lot more bearable when I don't have to then wash the diaper! I love just throwing it in the trash and not worrying about it! As a general rule, I despise doing laundry and dishes so I am a throw away kind of mom! Disposable diapers, paper plates, paper towels...etc. It just makes life easier!

Dang It!

I'm two days late again! Bah!

Today I'm grateful for my Daddy! I have, without a doubt, the best Daddy alive! He's one of those men that can do anything! He's taught me how to change the brakes on a car and lay bricks. I can wire a house for electrical, I can fix my own plumbing. I can hang a door straight, and I can fix my own computer (most of the time). He reminds me every day that I need to take things "one day at a time" and not let life overwhelm me! He is an awesome Daddy and a great grandpa!

I'm also grateful for my mommy. This woman knows exactly what I need and when I need it! She shows up out of the blue when I most need her! She can look at me and know how sick I feel that day, and will do the little things that she knows I hate not being able to do. She's not only my Mommy, but she's one of my best friends. Every afternoon we sit in her kitchen and chat for a few hours...and we've never once run out of things to talk about!!!

Ahh crap!

It's only the 4th day and I've already missed a day! Guess I'll give two things I'm grateful for today!

The first is modern medicine. The fact that I can hear the heart beat of my unborn child, can see pictures of him, and can know how big he is, is just amazing to me! It's always comforting to be able to see and hear him and know that he's doing ok in there! I'm also grateful for epidurals! The last three days has made me want one NOW!

The second thing is for modern technology! The telephone, email, blogs, etc. The fact that I can just pick up the phone and talk to my best friend that's 3,000 miles away is so freakin' cool! It's one of those things that just makes life a little more bearable!

Unlimited Hot Water

I know, sounds crazy to be grateful for something like that, but I am! Because of my best friend, the tankless water heater, I am able to sit in a hot bubble bath for hours in the evening, and never run out of hot water!!!

Because of my MS and my chronic migraines, relaxation and heat are two of the only things that really help me! I will get in the bath tub when the boys go to bed at night, and stay there reading for an hour or two, while all of the pain eases up in my body! This last summer, while staying at Dad's California house, I realized just how lucky I am to have this luxury in my home. Dad's water heater holds about 5 gallons, and the hot water has run out before the tub is even full! I was very happy to come home to my hours of endless hot water!

So, today I am grateful for my hot water heater...and my bath tub! And having said that, I'm going to go take a bubble bath!

A New Year

A wonderful woman and friend of mine, challenged all of her friends to keep a daily gratitude blog this year. Every day we're supposed to come up with one more thing we're grateful for, and blog about it. The outcome is supposed to be that we end up with 365 things we are grateful for by the end of the year. I know there's a lot of things in my life that I take for granted, so I thought I'd accept her challenge and start my gratitude blog.

Today is the first day of not only a new year, but a new decade. It feels like a double fresh start!

Today I am grateful for what the last 10 years brought to me. I was able to travel Europe and even into Africa (we all know that wasn't my most pleasant memory) I found a new self by losing 200 pounds. I received my temple endowments. I got two of the greatest gifts in the world, when Tanner and Andrew joined my family. I learned a lot from being in an abusive marriage, and I also grew as a person! My testimony was strengthened over and over, and I had MANY instances of being able to clearly see the Lord's hand in my life. I made friends, and lost friends...and then got some of those lost friends back! It was truly one heck of an emotional roller coaster of a decade, but I'm grateful for every single thing I experienced, learned, saw, and the mistakes that I made!!

I'm excited to see what the next decade brings, and super excited that 2010 is bringing me another precious son to love!